Yeah, yeah, so what my tummy’s flat. And so what I’m not obese. I’m not supposed to be, and neither are you. But I know I’m not the only ex-model chic that’s still uber concerned about her figure. I definitely don’t want to fall all the way off the Sexy-Girl Wagon.
But this shit isn’t new to some of us. I know I’ve been this way since I was eleven or twelve. That’s when my mom and I ventured into modeling with John Casablanca. Yep, Moms was co-signing my vanity early! At any rate, I was rail thin and it was weird. That may have been a spark of insecurity back then as I actually wanted to be bigger – to fit in. Now, I just want to fit into my old magazine spreads – fuck fittin’ in with friends!
My 26” to 27” waistline was pretty cool for an ass model. And if I wanted it down to 25”, it was nothing to call Ms. Deb- she was my Miamian Queen of Lean with her Asshole Sucking Machine. After luxuriating with a hose in my ass for 45-mins or so, I was ready for a lingerie shoot in less than 24 hours. No need for Photoshop here, well except wherever my ape-length body hair overshadowed my skin – I digress.
You see the picture; my waistline has essentially gone from an easy-breathing 25 to 27 inches to a hold-it-in-for-dear-life 31 inches. Thankfully, the 38 inches up top combined with the 43 inches down below offer a little leeway. Just not enough for me… Hell, you see I had to use special effects to distract the eye in that candid shot.
These last ten days… Yes, I said ten days. My waistline has shot from a sucked in 27” to a sucked in 31”. How is that possible? Should I be as alarmed as I am? Damn right! If anything on your body expanded by 4 fucking inches, I’d want you to be just as alarmed (boys not included).
The Chocolate éclair currently attached to my lips, is part of the problem. But it stimulates my writing! And that’s been my top priority – I’ve been writing my ass off trying to finish this memoir which means: No Gym, No Modeling Sexy Clothes, No Cooking Good Food, and No Getting Half Naked to go to the Pool.
ENTER the bold and beautiful sunrise of June 3rd.
I hadn’t noticed any major changes when I slipped my bikini on. I wasn’t even tripping when I posted a picture of my lower half on Instagram. As a matter of fact, I was so impressed by my newly acquired tan lines that I was trying to find the right angle to showcase them. Yes, the half bottle of Chocolate Shoppe may have increased my level of curiosity. However, my best bikini shot was sobering. Staring in my mirror, I swear I heard Jay-Z asking, What the Fuck You done to that?
See, when I was running around half naked shooting photos for magazines and the like, I was all good. Now that I’m barely getting dressed, and hardly ever wearing something as revealing as well – nothing, I’m packing on the inches. Where’s @Prevoyez when you need them?
Keeping comfy, wearing Size Large tanks instead of Size Small is another culprit. Shit, I don’t even think I can fit a Size Small top right now…starting to look like I never fit a Small in my life.
But do I really care? Obviously! Will I do anything about it? Doubtful. I mean, I did hit a 40-min circuit of squats, lunges, and push-ups after running a quick mile on the elliptical today. But I was too tired to work my obliques…the most important part according to this frigging picture.
In order to get my 27 inch waistline back before I shoot the new items coming in next Friday I need to hit Two-a-Days. Frankly, I’m just not motivated to do anything but write. But I’m going to try…. I’ll tweet you guys if I make the gym tonight. But until then, my wide waistline is currently under wraps in my FAVORITE new Oversized Ibby Libby . I do wonder if I were still in Miami… Ohhh never mind.
Quick Tips & Links for a Quick Fix:
For our not-so-fat-but-wide waistlines, we need to do three things:
Exercise
Can’t get away from it right! The “Squat & Twist” exercise pumps the booty up and twists the waist down. Stand Up. Spread your feet shoulder-width apart. Squat Down. Then Squeeze your tummy and Twist to left. Come up. Squat Down. Then Squeeze your tummy and Twist to right. I do this 3xs with 20 reps each when I’m under the gun. Today, I only did 15 reps. Do as much as you can, but do it 3xs.
Also, we need at least two strength-training sessions weekly. I do three, but it’s every other day. We shouldn’t work the same muscles back to back- especially not our asses and tummies!
Quick Link: http://www.livestrong.com/article/496363-how-to-shrink-your-waist-fast
Shop
This sounds simple enough! Buy a Corset. Strap your tummy in, and let it ride. I was lucky enough to snag one from a photo shoot years ago I had done with @ArTiastry and Christopher Broach. I’ve worn it more for fashion than shaping. But hey it makes sense that the tightness will help your body “remember” a naturally small waist. It’s definitely worth a try.
Quick Link: http://www.ehow.com/how_2289807_shrink-waist-whittle-middle.html
Diet
We have to eat something! Monounsaturated Fatty Acids (MUFA’s) help reduce belly fat. So pick up a jar of Olives, some olive oil, avocados, nuts (not your man’s), and some Dark Chocolate. I prefer to drink my chocolate– guess that’s why I’m writing this shit now!
Quick Link: http://www.ehow.com/how_5586934_reduce-belly-fat-three-foods.html
