Dr. Heather,
Hi, I am a bi-sexual woman currently involved in a relationship with another woman. In the past, I enjoyed threesomes with most of my female partners by inviting a man into our bedroom. However, my current girlfriend is totally against it. She claims, “it would be like relinquishing our feminine power to a man.” When I asked her to explain this, she got all angry and dramatic and flipped everything on me. She eventually told me she was raped by this guy in the music industry years ago. The desire for my threesome aside, I truly feel for her and want to help her get past that part of her life. Can I? If so, how?

Hello and great question!

Ok I’m just going to say very firmly, NO you cannot aid her in getting past that part of her life. She must get trauma focused therapy first.  Then, only after that has occurred for some time can she begin to even consider and or accept your sexual desires into her own. Trauma has lasting effects on people’s lives; fortunately with help from a professional, we can learn to live completely and happily after it has occurred. Once she seeks the help, patience and understanding from those closest to her would be a blessing throughout her recovery.

Live, Love, Laugh Always!…
Dr. Heather, RMFT CST