Dr. Heather,
My daughter is eleven years old and recently started her menstrual cycle. I took her to the doctor and was incidentally informed that her hymen has been broken. The doctor says it could have been broken during soccer, if she tried to use a tampon by herself, or even through masturbation. Soccer is one thing, but I feel I need to ask her about it in case she’s already had sex, or having sex, or something worse is going on. Please tell me how I should address this without sounding like a crazy mother, offending or embarrassing my baby?

Hello!
Great question, so many mothers are wondering the very same thing and I’m excited that you had the courage to ask!! Go, Soccer Mom!

The best thing to do is just GO FOR IT; leave all those old fashioned beliefs behind you about embarrassing your daughter! You’re her mother not her friend. So, this is the time to dig in and ASK away!

Honestly, this is an ongoing conversation that should have been happening throughout her young life. But it’s not too late to begin discussing sex with her now. Just be factual and exact. It almost sounds as if you might be the one that may feel embarrassed? If so, you should practice first with a friend. Once you feel comfortable, start the conversation by assuring your daughter that you will be honest with her if she has any questions about sex. Then come straight out and ask her if she has had sex.

It is most important that you Listen when she talks and Teach when she stops. Don’t judge her if she says something’s that may be shocking to you. Just be supportive and enlightening.

Good luck!!

Live, Love, Laugh Always!…
Dr. Heather, RMFT CST