Dr. Heather,

It has been suggested by my straight friends that I’m a lesbian because I was sexually abused by my father. It’s as if they think I hated my father, and I hate men, so I have no choice but to love women. However, I simply believe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women – not men.

When I shared the feelings of my friends with a female therapist, who happens to be married to a woman, she says “that’s just pathology” and writes it off as bullshit. Now, I know my friends are not professionally trained so I’m not really taking it to heart, but I’m starting to second guess it all. Is this ‘pathology’ legitimate or B.S. like the therapist says?

Hello!

I’m just going to jump right into this question because this is a very common misconception that people have about abuse, trauma and homosexuality.  Listen sweetie, you’re attracted to women because that’s what in your sexual template, end of story! You are correct in saying that you simply believe you are just attracted to women not men; you’re a lesbian!

FACT: people are whatever sexuality they are going to be in the womb. It’s complicated, but there is a scientific explanation for why people are Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered. It’s very hard for most heterosexuals to understand this; but it’s not for them to understand.  It’s for you to understand so that you can educate them when you need to.  Your therapist is correct & I love her for that- it’s bullshit!!! Enjoy being you!

Thank you for being so open and having such a wonderful question!

Live, Love, Laugh Always!…
Dr. Heather, RMFT CST