To be clear, I had yet to tell my parents about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child before I started writing my memoir. I had wanted to tell them since college, but I still hadn’t found my big girl panties. I felt they deserved to know why their baby girl became so distant from the family after graduating high school. Yet, my nerve recoiled quicker than a twelve-gauge shotgun every time I considered firing away. Then, just last week- well past the last time I wore any panties at all, I simply picked up the phone and let it all out like morning sickness.
This wasn’t the first time I disclosed what had happened to me. I’ve told boyfriends. I’ve told girlfriends. I’ve told therapists. I’ve even told a few family members. But, I chose to tell those people for a reason. Neither my boyfriends, nor girlfriends, would dare tell my parents. My therapists couldn’t tell my parents. Hell, the few who could have told my parents, or even confronted my abuser, were raised in the same family of secrets as I. They weren’t about to tell my parents either. But why was I scared to tell the most supportive people in my world?
Believe it or not, it was all about my rep. Yep, I was scared of ruining my reputation within my family: a favorite daughter, favorite granddaughter, favorite cousin, and favorite niece would possibly be no longer. However, my No time is Better than Now Moment hasn’t ruined anybody’s reputation -yet. I tolerated the despicable behavior of my father’s brother without protest for decades, and I’m sure it won’t be long before one of my parents – namely Daddy- confronts my molester before I can. Should that occur, faithfully, it can only go as God plans.
On Father’s Day, I danced with my father to the tune of the same name by Luther Vandross and felt secure in knowing that my reputation will never be on the line when it comes to either of my parents. In the end, I know it will be my molester’s reputation on the line… his livelihood on the line. There’s no more shame in my game… I’m giving it all to him, and he can play with it all by himself.
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